Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Where I've Been. And stuff.

Sometimes I think of Blogdom as one large, convoluted therapy session. We're all messed up in one way or another and we write about it. Or we write about something that takes our minds off of our freakishly weird lives.

Today, I'll start.

As I've spoken about before, after Sam was born I developed severe postpartum depression. I knew that I was clinically depressed but I had no idea how deep into the fog I had walked, nor how long I really stayed there. I felt a bit better around the 6-8 month mark and I assumed that it was over and that I was just different. It wasn't over. I sunk far deeper than I ever thought possible.

Over the summer my husband and I went through a very hard time. Part of it stemmed from my PPD and part of it was a mix of our immaturity and the fact that we had gone through several life altering changes over a short period of time. We're not arguers. We didn't yell and fuss. We just gave up.
Long story short- we're better now. Part getting married young is growing up together. We've both matured a lot over the past several months and our relationship is that much stronger. My husband is my best friend and I am his.

I've gone back to college. I'm in the business program and I'm majoring in marketing. This coming summer I'll also be taking some cosmetology classes for fun and if I'm able to finish all of my hours around my business coursework I'll take the state board exam and get my license. Thankfully I was able to CLEP out of quite a few classes and I've scheduled everything so that I'm away from Sam as little as possible. My PPD has improved remarkably with diet, exercise and a bit of light therapy.

Throughout the past six months I've gone through a metamorphosis of sorts. I wore pants for the first time in nine years on my 24th birthday. We're beginning to slough off the legalism that we were entrenched in so that we can walk in grace. It's freeing in a way that I can't describe. I understand God's love for me. I know that He knows my frame. The day I stopped living for people and started living for Christ felt like the stepping off point for the rest of my life.

So here am I.

Breathing grace.

1 comment:

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